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Ranger Report: Badgers & Balors - A Strange Siege

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Cyker
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Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:58 pm

Ranger Report: Badgers & Balors - A Strange Siege

Post by Cyker »

Ranger Report: Badgers & Balors

Chapter 1: Badgers Besieging Benzor?!
Henroid Tucker swore under his breath. Once again the city he was charged with defending was under attack.

"Send runners! We need reinforcement!" he yelled as the east gate rattled under another attack, accompanied by strange animal sounds.

Along the wall, near the breach from a previous giant attack, the loud *snik* of sharp scrabbling claws could be heard against the partially rebuilt stonework.

"Where are those reinforcements?!" bellowed Captain Tucker as his men braced the gate with more timbers.


Across the city, Bremen called to his straggling party members, "Is there something were waiting on? Come on!"

"Yes, to the Captain!" agreed Scorpion Fiststrike, running after Bremen

"Hey wait!" piped up a halfling, one Dairiss Shadowfoot, as he trailed behind, "What's going on? I think I mighta got on the wrong boat... I'm so confused!"

But he followed the group of adventurers all the same as they ran to Captain Tucker's summons.


"Well met Captain," Fade Jr'eivra was saying as the halfling got within earshot, "What seems to be the problem?"

Tucker yelled at his men as another massive impact rocked the East gates. He wiped a bead of sweat from his brow, "You're the reinforcements? About time you got here!"

"Well we are not reinforcements as such, we just heard your summons." replied Breman

"Well you'll do I guess." said Tucker, flinching unconsciously as a large rock flew past and crashed into Sardusky's shop, "It's those damned forces of R.O.B.I.N. again, they're back and they're assaulting the city!"

"The who of the what now?!" Dairiss asked, now thoroughly confused

"They be some sorta army of un-natural badgers. We had a load of trouble with them before but that was in the distant past. Looks like we didn't get rid of them all as we thought."

There was another crash from the direction of the gates. Guards rushed to brace the gate with more timbers.

"Did he just say badgers?" Dairiss asked, throwing a sceptical glance at the others

To his surprise, Mycrella, Bremen, Bluenose and Scorpion nodded sagely.

"I met them!" declared Scorpion

"Badgers... harder then drow." added Mycrella

"Hope there are no mage badgers with them!" Bluenose said with a slight note of apprehension

"Are there more of you to come? I can wait but a short while, so make sure you have all the help you can muster." Tucker asked, throwing another look towards the gate

"Yooz gonna needz it! Dem fuzzy buggaz got big pointy teef!" one of the gate guards, Vruralg Sharagemik, called over his shoulder

"We have held them at bay so far," Tucker continued, "but I fear they are bringing reinforcements."

"What would you have us do then?" asked Breman

"If the reinforcements get here we'll be hard pressed to fight them off. I want you to break past the remains of the last attack and get to the forest path entrance that leads to the river valley - if you can catch them there we have a chance!"

As they talked, there was a shout from the gate!
With a massive crunch, the lower quarter of the gates exploded inwards in a shower of splinters!

"To arms, we have a breach!" yelled one of the archers on the ramparts.

A handful of swift fuzzy shapes burst through the gap, but almost all were immediately shredded by arrows and spears thrown from the ramparts overlooking gate.

"Ha! Take dat!" Vruralg cried as he punted one back over the wall.

"Now's a chance, charge them before they regroup!" exclaimed Tucker, "Go!"

Needing no further prompting, the party ran at the East Gate as the support beams and doors were wrenched back to make way.

The surprised badgers near the gate were quickly dispatched as the adventurer group charged into the Benzor flats.

Behind them, Tucker was yelling out more orders to his troops and a thick wooden barrier was wheeled into place, blocking the entire east gate corridor.

"Do not all run off!" Fade yelled to her companions as she shot two badgers in passing, "Remember we defend the city!"

Alas her message fell mostly on deaf ears. With a resigned sigh she notched another arrow and ran to catch up with her companions.


The adventurers had cut through the loosely assembled badger formations with ease, sending bloodied bits of fur in all directions as the whirlwind of fists, bolts, swords and axes scythed through the chaotic ranks.

The quickly broke through the main siege lines and reached a small bridge, but here the regular badger forces gave way to a greater threat!

Lined against them along the bridge and the opposite shore were more badgers, larger than the mere foot-soldiers, they had an air of malice about them. The centre one slunk forwards.

"*HSSSS!* YOU DARE DEFY US?!" it hissed at them angrily. It looked to the side, "NOW MY KIN! LET US TEACH THESE FOOLS A LESSON! *SSS* DESTROY THEM ALL FOR THE GLORY OF R.O.B.I.N.!! WE WILL *HSSS!* SACK THIS PATHETIC TOWN!!"

It threw it's head back and hissed loudly as the party of adventurers charged, a swirl of magical energy rising around it!

The badgers abreast of the speaker appeared to hunch up, then as one they spat a barrage of lightning bolts at the party!

"Yarg what is this?!" cried Dairiss as he dived to one side, bolts sizzling past close enough to make the hairs on his feet stand on end!

Bremen and Bluenose dropped to their knees, whipping up their shields in a practiced motion just in time to block a sizeable chunk of the barrage while Lady Flame chanted a spell and swept the rest away with a wave of her staff.

Before the badgers could launch another volley, Shalaquin, Balthezar and Scorpion leapt past their shield carriers and charged into the badger ranks, disrupting their formations as Fade and Elva returned a volley of their own. The battle was on!


Meanwhile, deep in the small woods that separated the Benzor Flats from the river valley, Squig turned to his fellow goblins, "We goes now and getz ready ambush for unwary traveller!" he said, to the squeaks of his companions. The small band of goblins rushed out into the flats, heading for the semi-derelict Shadowsong guild building.

Mid-way, they paused, looked around.

To their right were badgers spitting lightning-sheathed arrows.

To their left were a group of psychotic-looking "big'uns".


"GOBLINS!" called Balthezar as he spied the unlucky green-skins emerging from the forest, "Be scared... be *very* scared!" he yelled sarcastically as he ambled over to them.


"Well crap." squeaked Squig. This was not going to be a good day. At least, he reflected, it was going to be a very short one.


"Well that wasn't too hard." commented Ruprecht Dale smugly, a note of faint disappointment in his voice as he dispatched his last badger.

"Don't tempt fate!" hissed Fade

Without pausing to recover, the party continued their advance, moving quickly. Scorpion's natural speed soon had him in front. He stopped suddenly and waved to the rest of his party.

"Here's more!" he hissed

"How many?" asked Fade

"Many more! Many *MANY* more!!!" replied Scorpion, paling slightly.

"WOAH!" exclaimed Balthezar as he saw the assembled forces marching before them.

"Retreat to the bridge! Let them come to us!" Fade yelled at her party. Again her advice fell on deaf ears as the fighters charged into the massive group. "I guess that was a no." she muttered with an annoyed sigh.

The force facing them was great indeed, with the most powerful badgers forming a ring around a large silver-furred one.

"*HSSS!* SO YOU ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE SLAUGHTERED MY CHILDREN SO CALLOUSLY! YOU WILL PAY!! YOU PATHETIC MORTALS WILL NOT STAND IN THE WAY OF OUR PLANSSS!"

It began chanting a long spell, magical phrases and inflections resonating in the very earth.

"Get it!" yelled Dairiss

The party tried to break through the lines but were showered with acidic rain, lightning, magical bolts and were quickly immersed among fuzzy bodies with razor sharp claws.


"Too late!" yelled Lady Flame

In front of the large silvery badger, a haze formed in the air. A circle, rippling like water with powerful gravitic distortions began to pulse in front of the badger, beams of multi-coloured light pierced it from beyond, and without further warning a wave of badgers came flooding out, their eyes blazing red with fury and their rending claws bared!

As one the sea of fuzzy death turned and hurtled right at the surprised party!

"Oh no!" Balthezar said softly as the tide turned towards them. Fell Lorin, seeing what was happening, dived out the way and managed avoid increasing his already numerous wounds.

"HELP!!" screamed Lady Flame as the hoard turned towards her. With scant seconds to spare, she weaved another spell feverishly while backpeddling away from the rapidly approaching claws.

"'ere! Pick on someone your own size!" yelled Dairiss as he and Murrey began flinging stones and bolts at the hoard, "Err, I was just kidding!" he exclaimed as the hoard split, half of it now flowing rapidly towards the two half-lings.

"Shutup and RUN!" yelled Murrey

The pair's antics had the desired effect however.

"Time to turn the tables!" Lady Flame cried triumphantly as she completed her spell.

The last word of power echoed around the area, and then silence.

The flow of Time ground to a sudden halt.

Using the precious moments she had left, Lady Flame began unleashing the full arsenal of her most destructive spells at the hoard of badgers now frozen in time. As she spoke the last syllable, time suddenly snapped back into motion.

The wave of fuzzy death managed to get 2 metres closer to her before several bolts of lightning hit them. Packed so close together, the bolts arced between all of them and the smell of lightning-fried meat permeated the air. The few surviving badgers continued their charge but as they moved, their charge faltered as a mustardy mist enveloped them.
There were a cacophony of ear-wrenching shrieks from within the mist, and as it cleared the only thing remaining were a pile of desiccated hides.


Now the party were faced with the silvery badger and her guards.

Glancing at one another, Fade and Elva notched two glowing arrows and let them fly in tandem. The two enchanted arrows whistled right at the group of badgers and where they struck there was a massive explosion.

"CHARGE!" yelled Bremen.


The badgers formidable protections had stopped them taking too much damage from the two arrows of detonation, and now they unleashed a magical storm of their own. Great sheets of acidic rain cascaded from the sky, accompanied by tongues of azure lightning.

The warriors shrugged off the armour-dissolving torrent as they crashed into the badger guards, fang to blade, while the others launched missile, both magical and mundane, at their foes.

The badgers put up fierce resistance, the large silver-furred badger in particular proved to be a powerful foe. The mighty blows of the warriors were turned aside by the rock-like skin, but despite their powerful magic and deadly natural weapons, the badgers began to fall under the furious assault. Soon their numbers began to dwindle, but not without cost - the warriors were beginning to tire, and many of them sported grievous wounds.


The large silvered badger backed off from the front line and whistled loudly, "*HSS!* TAKE THEM MY CHOSEN!"


One of the badgers reared up suddenly, gasping and writhing as though it was in extreme pain. It's head began to elongate and it's stubby body began to grow as it's fur fell away in patches. Razor sharp claws merged together and grew, forming into a wicked looking sword that gleamed with deadly intent. In a handful of heartbeats, where there had been a badgerkin-guard, was a large Transformed biped, it's head a hideously deformed parody of a badger-skull, locked in a rictus grin.

It turned to face the party.

Breman gave a shout and ran at it as it turned, delivering a mighty blow, but to his surprise the Transformed badger parried it easily and replied with a blow if it's own!

As the Transformed swung, it mouthed a silent howl and the whole world seemed to slow. Bremen tried to raise his shield to block the blow while he back-pedalled, but his body's movements had become strangely sluggish and jerky, and with dread he knew he wouldn't be able to block the gleaming blade arcing through the air at his chest.

Bremen blinked, and suddenly he was falling to the floor, blood gushing from three massive rents in his armour.


Scorpion watched in horror, helpless, as Bremen's charge was deflected. He and the others were affected by the suddenly lag on their movements.

"Breman! Heal yourself!!" Scorpion yelled in desperation as he witnessed the Transformed hit Bremen three times almost instantly in the chest, gut and side.

As Breman crashed to the floor, lifeless, the Transformed seemed to grow, as though deriving strength from his slain foe. It turned it's rictus grin towards the others.



The shock of Bremen's death quickly segued into anger and outrage. With a rallying cry of their own, the adventurers charged the regrouping badgers once more as the Transformed moved to block them. The rest of the badger-kin fell back and began renewing their protections. The adventurers tried to get them but they couldn't slip past the formidable attacks of the Transformed.

The badgers had an air of certainty about them now. When they finished their incantations and renewed themselves, the tired adventurers wouldn't be able to stop them! As they began the final chants to complete their spells however, a shock of power reverberated about the forest.

"For Bremen!" yelled Lady Flame as she extended her arms towards the badgers, fingers extended.

There was a blinding flash and a seemingly endless stream of magical bolts burst forth from her fingers, arced up into the air and rained down amongst the grouped badgers!

Some of them managed to struggle through the final stages of the spell, but the rest were battered senseless by the magical flurry, several of them torn apart as they lost control of the massive magical forces they were wielding.

Taking advantage of the sudden lull, Fade and Elva targeted the Transformed, sending their deadly missiles streaking towards it before it could recover. Soon it was bristling with arrow shafts, but still managed to raise it's massive sword and stumble one step forwards before Balthezar, Shalaquin and Scorpion converged on it.

With a roar, Balthezar and Shalaquin hacked off it's arms and legs while Scorpion delivered a powerful Ki-charged blow at the deformed skull.
There was another blinding flash and the skull exploded, showering the badgers behind the Transformed with fragments of bone.

"Woo! You're going DOWN!" Dairiss yelled at the remaining badgers.

With a defiant hiss, the few badgers left protecting the queen ran forwards. The battle was short and bloody, but when everything settled, there was no sign of the large silvered badger...

As the wearily party regrouped, they heard the faint sound of battle behind them.

"Come on!" cried Fade

The rest of the party followed her back towards Benzor, fearing the worst.

To their relief, they saw the guardsmen of Benzor mopping up the few remaining badger forces that had remained outside the gates.


Captain Tucker wiped his brow, giving a distasteful look at the gore splattered all over his breastplate. As he looked back up he spotted the approaching adventurers. He cracked a smile,

"Well met! I take it you managed to destroy the army and defeat the reinforcements!"

"Yes sir!" Fade said, returning the smile

"My thanks, had it not been for you Benzor would surely have been razed to the ground!"

"What about Bremen? We should get him to a priest immediately!" Mycrella interjected

"Do not worry, when he fell my battle-mages teleported him out of there. The priest is currently performing the ceremony of resurrection."

"Ah thank you." replied Mycrella

"Hey I think I see him." said Bluenose. Indeed, two shapes had emerged from the East Benzor gate and were jogging towards the group. "Welcome back Bremen!" Bluenose said warmly, patting the cleric on the back.

"Thank you all. I take it we are victorious?" he said with a grin.

"Oi Tukka!"

The group turned towards the figure that had accompanied Bremen. Tucker sighed, "Aye what is it Vruralg." he said wearily.

"I gotz message for yooz!" beamed the half-orc

"Aye...?"

"Wot?"

"The message?"

"Oh ya. Yeah, err, oh yus dat wuz it. Yooz wife say she will mash yooz into bitz if yooz don't get yooz back home right nowz."

Tucker paled imperceptibly, "Ahh... err... well, in that case I shall leave things in your, err, capable hands Vruralg."

"Yussah!" there was a clang as Vruralg saluted.

Tucker saluted back, and hurried back to Benzor accompanied by a few "Farewells" and perhaps a little sniggering.


"So what now?" said Reprecht, flicking a bit of fur off his armour.

"I want ta go to Mulrok!!!" exclaimed Murrey, hopping from one foot to the other.

"Well I hope you can swim." said Lady Flame.

"'eh?" said Murrey, stopping mid-hop.

"Dock got mashed by big rok. Nose boat." explained Vruralg.

"You could run to Brosna, take a boat from there." Lady Flame added with a chuckle.

"Brosna..?! Be gosh do I look like I can run a marathon! Phzee!"

"I think it would be best to find the badger lair." Reprecht said.

Fade gave a thoughtful look, "Well I figured that this badger threat could be ended now that they're on a retreat..." she said uncertainly.

"Do you know anything Vruralg?" said Reprecht, giving Vruralg a calculating look.

"Me not nose nufin... me only nose wot got tole!"

"What were you told?" Mycrella asked.

"Go on, talk!" Murrey cried impatiently, hopping around with a slightly manic glint in his eye.

Vruralg eyed him suspiciously, but told them what he knew, "Well, all da peoplz wot get bash by fuzzie say dey see lotz of dem wunce in dat swamp playce ova dere..."


Chapter 2: Badger Baiting Balors?!

After some discussion, confirmation and argument, the party decided to investigate the badger sightings around the Benzor swamp. They made swift progress through the slightly-damaged Benzor, and before dark they'd arrived at the North Gate.

Lady Flame yawned delicately, "I think we should get some rest, I'm exhausted."

"I agree." said Bremen, stretching.

Murrey moaned, "But the inn is all the way back THERE!" pointing back the way they'd came from.

"Let's rest in the forest! It's so much nicer than this city." suggested Shalaquin.

Murrey looked at the forest dubiously, "Well... as long as we don't have to walk too far. My feet are killing me!"


The group made camp a short distance away from the North Benzor gate. As darkness fell, the forest grew quiet, only the distant howl of a wolf disturbed the silence.


All too soon it was day break, and wearily the group broke camp and trudged into the Benzor Swamps.

After 'negotiating' with the resident Kobold tribe for passage through their territory, the group soon found themselves in the swamp proper.

"Yeesh!" exclaimed Murrey, holding his nose.

As usual the swamp was shrouded in a thick foul-smelling mist, giving the swamp a sinister feel as though it was swallowing them up.

As they trudged deeper into the swamp, the mist thickened. The bog itself seemed to be trying to pull them down into it's putrid depths.

"Bloody swamp!" cursed Balthezar as he narrowly avoided loosing his boot to the thick mud.

"Shh!" hissed Scorpion from the front

"yes! there is something ahead!" Shalaquin added

They advanced at a slower pace, Shalaquin and Scorpion's keen senses guiding them.


"DRAGONS!" yelled Dairiss suddenly

To their left a quintet of massive winged shapes coalesced out of the mist.

The party readied themselves as the dragons descended on them.

"Look out!" cried Murrey as he jumped out of the way.

In the next instant, the area was awash with the foul caustic breath of the dragons, but Dairiss' warning had been enough and those that hadn't dived out of the way were nonetheless weathering the onslaught while advancing on the dragons.

"Aye that t' best ye kin do?! I be killin' orcs wit' more impres've breath than tha'!" yelled Balthezar as he fended off a claw-swipe.

The party found little challenge in the young dragons, who had not grown to full maturity. Despite their natural strength and weapons they quickly found themselves falling to the experienced adventurers.

There was a rumbling sinister voice from beyond the dragons, ""*THEY ARE HERE!* *THEY CANNOT SEE ME WITH YOU. WIPE THEM OUT AND WE WILL CONTINUE OUR NEGOTIATIONS!*".

As the last dragon fell to a flurry of blades, a bundle of blurred shapes suddenly boiled out of the mist!!

Among them was the large silvered badger they had fought earlier!

"There it is!" cried Fade, swinging her bow from the dying dragon to the new threat.

"BADGER!" Fell Lorin yelled to the rest of his companions.

The large silver pawed the ground in front of it.

"*HSSS* YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! DIE!"

And with that the small cadre of badgerkin guarding her charged at the party.

Prepared still from their fight with the dragons, the party quickly hacked them to bits.

"Is that all?" Dairiss asked cockily, lazily turning to face the lone silver.

Suddenly the large silver jerked and seemed to swell. The others moved towards it, fearing the worse, but as the closed the distance the ground began to shake! More badgers broke through the soft mud between the spasming silver and the party, charging into them with reckless abandon. Despite the multitude of claws and teeth, the party fended them off easily enough, leaving a trail of furred corpses which faded in their wake, but the delaying tactics had been enough.

"Ut oh." said Fade quietly

"Oh dear..." agreed Scorpion, his gaze following the silhouette ever upwards.

"*I WILL BURY YOU!" roared the gigantic dragon-shape - the only evidence of it's previous form was the silvered stripe down it's back.

"Sh*te!" managed Balthezar as the draco-badger stomped towards them. Even in the soft boggy ground the draco-badger's massive footsteps could be felt.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" yelled Balthezar as the party ran at the draco-badger, weapons swinging with deadly intent.

With a snort, the draco-badger drew back and whipped it's right claw forwards in a curved arc.

"SCATTER!" yelled Mycrella, diving aside just in time to have the claw miss her by millimetres.

Breman was not so lucky and the claw caught him full on!

He screamed as he was flung bodily into the air, arcing to crash heavily back to the ground!

"Bremen!" yelled Bluenose, running towards the crumpled heap several metres away.

"Y' bastard! I'll get y' good fer that!" roared Balthezar defiantly, raising his blade

The draco-badger laughed, "*IT WOULD BE AMUSING TO WATCH YOU TRY LITTLE MORTAL*"

Fade and Elva stood a little way back and began sending streams of arrows leaping into the air, their flashing points diving back down at the draco-badger's scaly hide.

The draco-badger gave a derisive snort and with a great flap of it's wings sent the majority of them spinning off into the depths of the swamp.

The rest of the group ran at the draco-badger, Ruprecht, Scorpion and Balthezar leading the charge with Mycrella and Shalaquin to left.

"Hey, let's get it from the back!" suggested Dairiss

He, Murrey and Fell ran to the right, around a deep ravine.


The draco-badger watched the approaching attackers with a flicker of annoyance.

"Prepare yourself foul wurm!" yelled Ruprecht in challenge as his group got within striking distance. The draco-badger aimed a kick at him but, with impressive reflexes, Ruprecht managed to catch most of the blow on his shield. Even so the force of the blow sent him tumbling to the ground. As the draco-badger raised it's foot to crush him into the ground, Scorpion and Balthezar moved to attack the its other leg!

Seeing this, the draco-badger lashed it's tail round towards them. The serrated tail caught the two completely by surprise - Scorpion was knocked back, a deep gash opened up across his chest as he tumbled away. Balthezar managed to duck, but his helm was sent spinning off into the air.

"Why y'..! DIE!" roared the infuriated dwarf as he began attacking his original target with renewed fury.

With a great sweep of it's wings, the draco-badger hopped into the air in response to Balthezar's attack before crashing down hard - barely missing Balthezar as the dwarf rolled out of the way.

Ruprecht was back on his feet when Mycrella and Shalaquin caught up. Shalaquin ran over to check on Scorpion when there was a shout from behind the dragon.


"You're goin' DOWN goliath!" yelled Dairiss as he Murrey and Fell began laying into the dragon's flank.

The dragon's head swung round lazily and looked at them with mild amusement as they hacked at the armoured hide. With a derisive snort, it snapped it's head round towards them, jaws open and teeth bared!

"Argh!" yelled Murrey in warning as the terrifying head sped towards them - The three of them scattered, but Dairiss tripped on a half-buried root and tumbled to the ground! His fall saved him from being eaten, but as he struggled to get up the dragon swung round and stamped the full weight of it's armoured foot on top of the prone halfling!

"Nooo!" cried Murrey in horror as Dairiss disappeared beneath the huge foot. The dragon turned to face them.

"Vengence!" yelled Fall, raising his sword, a glint of deadly intent in his eyes.

The remaining adventurers attacked in unison, but whenever they got the dragon surrounded it would leap into the air and land a few metres away before assailing them with a barrage of magical energy or it's formidable acid breath.


"Guh..." said Bremen groggily as he regained consciousness, "What happeARGH...!"

"Don't ask." grunted Bluenose as he finished resetting Bremen's shoulder joint, "Can you move?"

Bremen moved his arm experimentally, "I'll live." he said with a wince, "What of the others?"

Bluenose pointed at the battle.

Bremen gasped, "We must help them... gah!"

"You are in no shape to help anyone - heal yourself! I must help Scorpion and Dairiss... if he's still alive." Bluenose muttered under his breath.


"Mages.. do your job!" yelled Balthezar as his magical protections were stripped away. He retreated and quaffed another potion.

"Magic is not like mining ore dwarf!" replied Lady Flame before beginning another incantation

"Gah!" cried Ruprecht in frustration as the dragon leapt up and out of their reach once again, "Whenever we attack it just leaps out of range and attacks us with impunity!"

"Keep at it, I have an idea!" Elvawena shouted, moving towards Fade.

Balthezar and Mycrella charged the dragon and yet again it leapt up out of their reach, but as it did so two glowing arrows sped forth from Fade and Elvawena's bows!

The dragon twisted aside mid-flight and it looked as though the arrows would fly past harmlessly, but to the dragon's surprise the arrows continued to track it and before it could do anything else they slashed into the thick tendons connecting the dragons wings!

The dragon roared with rage, landing with a heavy thump, its damaged wings now unable to support it in flight.

Ruprecht cheered, "Good thinking!"

"Aye, now let's 'ave us some dragon steak!" yelled Balthezar

Heavily outnumbered and having lost its ability to out-manoeuvre the adventurers, the dragon tried to retreat but found itself retreating into Bremen, Bluenose and Shalaquin. Now surrounded on all sides, the dragon knew it had no chance. With a roar filled with hatred it engaged the adventurers one last time.


"ye gods that was tough" Shalaquin gasped

"Aye." agreed Ruprecht, turning to Bluenose, "Did you find Dairiss?"

"Yes, but I'll need some help."

They went back to where the halfling had been crushed, but as they neared they could hear a stream of muffled curses!

With a sigh of relief, Shalaquin and Murrey quickly locating him and levered the halfling out of swamp mud. Dairiss spat goblets of mud out as he was freed, before scrabbling for his daggers, "Where is it?!" he screeched, "NOOObody steps on a halfling!! Where isse?! Lemme at 'im! I'll kill the stinky bugger!!"

"Apologies," Fade said stifling a grin, "But it's already taken care of."

"Oh? Well.... that's okay then." said Dairiss, crossing his arms with a huff.

"Did the Balor get away?" asked Ruprecht suddenly, interrupting the exchange as he scanned the surroundings.

Scorpion did a double take "Balor?"

"There was a balor?" asked Fade in surprise

"Yep." replied Dairiss, "Didn't you see it?"

"Scary..." said Fade softly

"So... what now?" asked Mycrella, her vestigial wings reflexively twitching.

"Let's head through the gate." suggested Ruprecht, indicating a gate leading to a set of old ruins, "We can see if the Balor retreated to the tower."

"I need to rest damnit!" Balthezar rumbled.

"As do I!" Lady Flame added.

"What?! In HERE??" exclaimed Murrey in disbelief.

"I won't hurt to stop for a moment or two." soothed Fade, "Let's...."

"ARGH!" cried Shalaquin leaping away. The rest of the party whirled round, weapons drawn, to see what was the matter.

Before them stood a massive Balor, 10 feet high with flaming skeletal wings. It looked at them with contempt.

"Well.. if that isnt the friendly balor from the neighbourhood..." rumbled Baltherzar, gripping his blade.

"What say you foul beast!" challenged Ruprecht.

The Balor looked around at the aftermath of the previous battle, "*SOO... YOU DEFEATED THE WEAK FOOL AFTER ALL*" the Balor's thought echoed through the minds of the party.

"Yes we did you cowardly demon!" Dairiss said loudly. Fade coughed.

"What?" asked Dairiss, turning quizzically to Fade

"I heard they like halflings for breakfast." she replied nonchalantly

The demon glared at Dairiss but did nothing, it gave a disinterested sigh, "*IT FALLS TO YOU THEN!*"

Ruprecht tightened his grip on his sword, "What do you mean by that demon?" he asked, eyes narrowing

"*I AM BOUND BY THE MAGICS THAT SUMMONED ME HERE TO STRIKE A DEAL WITH THOSE THAT SUMMONED ME. AS YOU HAVE SLAIN THEM, THIS FALLS TO YOU*"

"What kind of 'deal'." asked Ruprecht

"*THIS IS FOR YOU TO SPECIFY*" the Balor shifted round, it's expression changed. A smile? "*WHAT DO YOU DESIRE?*"

"Ohhh..." Scorpion mumbled, possibilities flicking through his mind, "As a group or what?"

"I have a list..." Mycrella offered with a sardonic smile.

Dairiss rubbed his hands together, practically drooling with anticipation, "Money and more money and maybe some great magical items of power! Everything you can give me demony!"

"Be careful what you ask for..." cautioned Fade

"aye! think before ya speak i would..." added Shalaquin, casting a nervous glance at the Balor's demonic visage

"Look, lets just get the badgers!" said Lady Flame, clearly agitated

"I seek the scimitar of speed!" said Blue Nose III

Ruprecht turned on his companions in horror, "What are you doing?!" he demanded, "What deal can this creature possibly give you?"

He glared at Dairiss and Bluenose in particular, "It will turn to wrong and you know it!"

"i wouldnt make any deals! itll be bad for youse if you do i reckon!" Shalaquin added in support of Ruprecht, while retreating back behind a nearby tree, "why oh why are you even talking to a Balor?????"

Mycrella looked at her feet, "Weeel... not many times one says he will grant anything we want..." she said sheepishly

"This kind is a creature of chaos and deceit, beyond your ken!" insisted Ruprecht, "They will offer as they please to test your foolishness!"

"*I CAN GRANT YOU YOUR REQUEST LITTLE HALFLING - IT WILL BE DONE FOR THE PRE-AGREED PRICE!*

"Eh? Now wait a second..." began Dairuss.

"What price?!" demanded Fell.

"*WHY, THE STANDARD PRICE IN SUCH MATTERS - YOUR ESSENCE, YOUR SOULS!*"

"SEE! told you!!!! oh me oh my!" exclaimed Shalaquin, retreating further behind his tree.

"Dumb ass." agreed Lady Flame.

Fade put a hand on Dairiss' shoulder "A soul is much to pay for anything..." she said.

Dairiss looked up at her and winked, "I already gave me soul away!" he said with a wide grin, "Stupid Balor!"

"Then you have nothing to lose Dairiss.. trade away, but only on your own behalf. I won't stop you." said Fade.

With a final wink Dairiss stepped upto the Balor, "Ookay i'll trade yas fer me soul though yer gettin a bad deals there."

With a sweep of it's arm, the Balor opened up a portal. Peering beyond, Dairiss could see a it exited at the top of a tall mountain. Below there were thousands, millions of tiny figures milling around. Squinting, he thought he could see them fighting each other.

"*IT WILL BE DONE. NOW, IF YOU WILL ALL STEP THIS WAY...*"

"Wait. All of us?" asked Fade, a sense of impending dread filling her

"*YES - THIS WAS THE DEAL*"

"i told you! he's got a million and one nasty ideas in his head as it is!" cried Shalaquin, "oh me oh my!"

Lady Flame grabbed Dairiss by the neck and hauled him up to eye-level with surprising strength, "You stupid halfling! Did you just sell all our souls to this demon?!?!?" she screamed, shaking him about.

"Hells no!" yelled Fall, "I wont give up my soul with out a fight!"

The Balor smiled again, "*THAT WISH CAN BE GRANTED ALSO!*"

"I am not afraid of a Demon!" retorted Fell defiantly.

"Oooh! Fight fight fight!" exclaimed Dairiss. Lady Flame dropped him to the ground in disgust and lapsed into a semi-trance.

"I have no fear of fighting you. My spirit is stronger than yours, dead or alive!" said Ruprecht, stepping up to Fell's side

"*YOU WILL HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TEST THAT FOOLISH MORTAL!*"

The Balor raised it's head and roared, "*THE DEAL HAS BEEN RENEGED! WE ARE FREE OF THE BOND AND OUR WAY IS OPEN! LET US THANK OUR SAVIORS MY BROTHERS!!*"

"If we get out of this alive I'll take your soul myself Dairiss!!!" said Lady Flame as legions of Tanar'ri began pouring through the open portal!

"As a group we can do anything!" Scorpion cried. He paused, "Oh dear..."

"He's got as nice bunch of friends." commented as the group found themselves surrounded by Balors

"Corellon!" Shalaquin shouted, "Tel 'l anwa Sy-Tel Quessir!"

"Ahh enough talk! Let's get t' killin'!" roared Balthezar, his patience finally at an end, "CLANGEDDIN!"


The battle was vicious and chaotic, but surprisingly short.


"Man do I know how to pick fights or what!" enthused Dairiss.

"Shut up." said Lady Flame, slapping him across the back of his head.

"Ow! Hey!"

"Almost sorry I didn't let you sell your soul..." grumbled Scorpion, wincing as Bluenose and Bremen worked on healing the grievous wounds all over his body.

"There were more Balors here than in the nine hells altogether!" Balthezar said, trying to put his helm back on. It was bent completely out of shape. He tossed it away.

"The very abyss hey!" agreed Shalaquin.

"That should teach you to deal with dark powers!" admonished Lady Flame as she critically examined the tears in her robe.

"hehe! it ended in tears! theirs! hehe" Shalaquin responded

"Actually i wanna nudder fight, dat was fun. Uhh.. okay maybe not." Dairiss finished quickly as Lady Flame glared daggers at him

"aye! insane fun! kidney wrenching fun!" said Shalaquin, swaying from side-to-side a little

"I think we should return and report to Captain Tucker." said Ruprecht as he wiped the ichor from his blade.

"So it was good we killed em right?" asked Scorpion.

"I hope so." said Lady Flame as she finished casting a minor repair spell on her robes.

"Hope so.. HOPE SO..." snorted Balthezar.

"Well........on reflection........maybe hehe" said Shalaquin, "though why you even chatted to him like he was a barkeep!"

"He was pretty arrogant though." observed Scorpion.

"I'll say it again, be glad you're all alive..." admonished Fade, "I've seen those beasts cleave men in half with a single blow!"

"You speak the truth Fade." Ruprecht spoke up.

"I was tempted to give your souls for the scimitar of speed..." Bluenose admitted, paying his feet intent interest.

"bad joke druid hehe!" chided Shalaquin.

"You would try." Lady Flame responded darkly.

"I vote we go back to Benzor, report what we've found." said Scorpion, testing his arm.

"Yes, report back to captain." agreed Mycrella.


Having agreed on returning to Benzor, the party began the journey back through the stinking misty bogs. The journey back was mercifully uneventful, although the kobold tribe attempted to 're-negotiate' the adventurer's right of passage through their territory.

After a day's travel they soon found themselves back at the North Benzor gate.


Chapter 3 - Back in Benzor

Lady Flame walked up the the guard who was on duty, "Excuse me sir?"

"Zzzz.."

"Sir?"

"Zzzzzz..."

"HEY! WAKE UP YOU LAZY ORC!!!"

"HUH! WAA?! YESSIR!! ALL PRESSEN AN... oh, iz only yooz."

Vruralg yawned mightily, baring his extremely point canines, "Yooz lot back alreddy? Wot yooz want?"

"We eliminated the Badger leader!" Mycrella exclaimed.

"And the Balor in it's service!" added Scorpion.

"Bay-lore?" asked Vruralg with a slightly dazed experssion.

"Issa kinda deemon yooz ficko!" Vrigdush, the other guard, shouted down at him from the ramparts above.

"Yes, anyway, where is Captain Tucker? We should speak to him immediately." sad Lady Flame impatiently, adding a carefully calculated undercurrent of urgency to her tone, which Vruralg missed completely.

"Oh okayz." the orcish guard said dully, "Uh, me go get himz."

With that, he ambled off towards the city center. A few minutes later he returned with Captain Tucker by his side.

"Well met! It is good to see you again." Tucker said, warmly shaking them each by the hand.

"How's the wife?" Dairiss asked with a snigger. He yelped when Fade stamped on his foot.

"Erm... she is fine." said Tucker, giving the halfling an odd look, "But yes, what have ye to report?"


The party regaled him with the tales of their adventure, telling him of how they tracked the silvered badger to the swamps and witnessed some sort of deal taking place with denizens of the Abyss.

"A Balor ye say?" queried Tucker, concern etched on his face.

"Aye - I think the silvery badger and the balor had a very, very dark pact..." said Fade with a thoughtful expression.

"Yeah, we had to kill loads of them! Like, 30!" suggested Dairiss.

"More like 50." corrected Bluenose.

"50. 50 Balors. Um, right..." said Tucker, not entirely convinced, "But, did you discover the nature of this pact?" he continued.

The group went silent, reflecting on what they'd discovered. At some length, Lady Flame spoke up, "I believe the badgers were trying to use the Balors as a mass transit system..." she said, brow slightly furrowed as if she doubted the words even as she said them.

Tucker stroked his beard, "Aye, that would be about right. Them badgers y'see, they aren't from around here. Durin' the first war, the badgerkin established a contract with the drow to transport their forces here." he gave an amused chuckle, "The dirt-sucking scum soon learnt their lesson 'tho. In the end we were all forced to team up to get rid of them. Thought we had too, but now they're back." he finished with a sigh.

"Well mayhaps no more badgers come a knockin on our door now that we gave them a good kicking!" said Dairiss, dancing from foot to foot with glee.

"For a time perhaps sir halfling, but they are a cunning foe - they may return eventually." cautioned Tucker.

"is there a magic window...a portal they come from?" asked Shalaquin suddenly, "We could find it and smash it once and for all aye?"

"A window?" asked Dairiss with incredulous amusement.

"aye! portal thingies!"

Dairiss laughed again, "Silly big-person!"

"me?! you hairy little lunatic! you were the one picking fights with Balors!!!" shot back Shalaquin.

"Enough!" Bremen cleared his throat, "Well sir? Is there a former place they came through some sort of portal?"

"Well... I suppose so, but as far as we know all the old portals were accounted for. I'm sure there are some residual groups of their forces hiding underground, but nothing like the force that attacked us today. For now it seems your victory has bought us some respite, albiet for an unknown length of time. I suggest you all rest and relax for a time and prepare."

"Okies, now that we can do!" cried Dairiss and turned towards the Salty Dog.

He paused. "Hey mister?"

"Yes?"

"How much are you going to pay us? Or do we just get magical items?"

"Erm..." said Tucker, taken aback, "Well, we have a purse of 10000 gold pieces which you could split between yourselves..."

Dairiss when goggle-eyed, "Is that all?!"

"is that all?! you really are a greedy little..." Shalaquin trailed off his commentary on Dairiss' ancestry.

"Forgive our companion's rudeness Captain," Ruprecht said stiffly, throwing a withering look at Dairiss, "Keep the gold - we have no need of it."

"Says you, I.." began Dairiss

"Aye!" interrupted Scorpion, throwing a look full of meaning at the poor halfling, "We don't need gold. The, ah, experience was most interesting in itself. I will cherish it."

"Aye, not every day you get to fight deranged demonic badgers." he added under his breath.

"That is mighty good of you folks, lord only knows we need that money to repair the wall! Thank you." said Tucker, a slight smile betraying his relief, "Now get some rest. You have earned it! Tell the barkeep, Wenders, I sent you and that the drinks are on me!"

Shalaquin's eyes lit up, "that'll do me Cap'n!" he said cheerfully.


continued...
Cyker
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:58 pm

Re: Ranger Report: Badgers & Balors - A Strange Siege

Post by Cyker »

Chapter 4 - Inn Closing

Captain Tucker bid them farewell and left for the barracks. The others turned towards the Salty Dog and made swift progress to it's interior.

"Barkeep! Ale all round!" yelled Dairiss as he ran in with Shalaquin hot on his heels.

"no! feywine for me!!" he cried as the startled barmaid jumped out of their way.

The rest of them entered at a more relaxed pace. Picking their seats, they sat down. Some discussed the implications of their recent adventure, while others concentrated on getting roaring drunk.

After about the eighth round, Bluenose got up to get the next round. Halfway to the bar, he stopped and blinked a few times.

"Hey... theresh a penquin down there!" he exclaimed.

The penguin looked up in shock, "Wah! You can see me?!?!"

"hehe! a lil pingu!" cried Shalaquin gleefully, getting up to have a look.

"What can we do for you shir penguin?" asked Bluenose, slurring slightly.

"Hey, there really is a penguin over there!" said Fade in surprise, startling Bremen and Ruprecht as she jumped out of her seat.

"Ahh crap.. uh... you're not supposed to see me! Err.... err... yes I am a figment of your imagination - you are, in fact, totally pissed. Yes, that's it! You are sooo drunk you are hallucinating. I am, in fact, not here."

"Ahh but I haven't had anything to drink, how do you explain that?" asked Scorpion with a wry grin.

"Uh... alcohol fumes?" the penguin hazarded weakly.

"oh my! a totem animal!" exclaimed Shalaquin as the penguin finished speaking, "hey Blue Nose! do you have a penguin totem animal?"

"He's funny, and cute!" said Fade, kneeling, as Lady Flame eyeballed it suspiciously.

"Who's funny?" Dairiss suddenly belched, and wandered over.

"'Tis a dm!" slurred Bluenose.

"A demon? Are you sure?" said Lady Flame with a doubtful expression, "It doesn't look even remotely demonic!"

"Who is your master, little familar?" asked Fade, reaching to tickle the penguin under its chin, "So who is it, eh?"

"Isha a dm...!" slurred Bluenose again before falling over.

"It's..it's...Someone..." said Lady Flame, a confused look crossing her features.

"It's Somone! We know that already!" snapped Scorpion.

"You're cute, I never knew your kind were suited for familiars!" continued Fade, oblivious to anything except the penguin - an uncharacteristically dreamy expression on her face.

"I'm not a familiar... this is a curse damnit!" snapped the penguin, retreating from the dreaded chin-tickling.

"Ah uh, I'm sorry then!" said Fade with an apologetic look.

Suddenly Dairiss seemed to notice the penguin for the first time, "Ooooo!" he cried, eyes going wide with joy, "Let me hold da penguin!!" he said, rushing drunkenly towards it, arms outstretched.

"Yaaa! Geddim off me geddim off me!!!" shrieked the penguin as Dairiss proceeded to wrap his arms round the distressed penguin in a huge hug.

"I think I'm gonna throw up..." said Lady Flame.

"Can we keep it?" asked Mycrella, patting the restrained penguin on the head.

"I think we have to keep it now," said Scorpion, "It's 'imprinted'..."

"I'll give YOU imprinted!!" shrieked the penguin, and began pecking at Dairiss furiously. With a cry the halfling dropped the penguin, giving it a good kick as he did so.

"WAAAGH!"

The unfortunate bird gained the gift of flight, albeit for a short while, and crossed the bar in a gracefully screaming arc before crashing through several tables with a loud clatter.

"And I don't think he liked that..." said Fade with a giggle as a cacophony of high-pitched curses emanated from under the pile of chairs and tables.

"Oi! Less o' that! Keep it civil folks!" the barkeeper shouted from the other side of the bar, watching the party's antics with some amusement, "Me an' Chila are gonna goto the cellar to get more ale for you folks so keep an eye on things!"

"Will do sir, don't worry!" Fade replied reassuringly. She watched the barkeep and the waitress disappear into the cellars, then turned her attention back to her companions.

"Uh, woopsies sowwie der penguin..." slurred Dairiss, walking unsteadily over towards the cursing emanating from the overturned tables and chairs..

"Be careful now," cautioned Fade, "If it really is a curse..."

The pile of furniture jerked convulsively and the penguin stumbled out towards the fireplace, slightly dazed by his unaccustomed flight and subsequent landing.

"I feel ill..." it moaned, wobbling to a halt and rubbing it's head with a flipper.

"Sowwie..." sluured Dairiss again as he tripped over an overturned chair.

"isnt it to warm for the lil thing over there?" asked Shalaquin, noting the penguin's proximity to the fireplace.

"No... *ugh* 's fine..." said the penguin.

"hey, tell us a tale of yer home lands pingu lady?" Shalaquin asked hopefully.

"Lady?!" cried the penguin, whirling round, seething.

Fade sighed, "Does anyone know much about curses?"

"why? is someone cursed like?" asked Shalaquin, confused.

"Yes ME you over-grown mumumMMMmum!" the penguin's retort was muffled by Dairiss as he grabbed the penguin once more.

"Well, the lil fella sure looks like the real thing..." said Fade

"are you happy as a pingu pingu? its not a curse is it?" Shalaquin asked the penguin, with a shocked expression

"Well of course I am cursed! Whoever heard of a talking penguin?!? Oh the indignity! Before this transformation, I was the greatest! The greatest mages quivered at my name! Armies were but insignificant insects before my power! I controlled time, destiny, even DEATH itself! I was a GOD!!!"

The penguin paused, managing to affect a bitter expression despite the lack of facial muscles,

"But they feared me, they all did! Plotted my downfall!! And then they struck, the cowards! They hated me for my success! I was about to complete the ceremony for my ascension, and they did THIS to me!" wailed the penguin.

"Ooooh you're so cool!" cried Dairiss gleefully, hugging it even tighter.

"Curse you, you mmnmnph! When I am *Mnmmnmm!* free you will be the FIRST to feel my wrath you MMNmnnmMM!!"

Dairiss loosened his grip to chug down another ale.

"*sniff* So now I am shunned by all, to search desperately for an end to this horrid curse!" lamented the penguin with a sob.

"that's sad! oh my that's rotten to hear..." said Shalaquin, full of sympathy.

"You should drink to forget your problems!!" suggested Scorpion with a laugh.

The penguin glared at him, "*BUT ONE DAY THEY WILL PAAAY! THEY WILL ALLLLL PAAAYYY!!!*" the penguin suddenly rumbled in a deep menacing voice. This did not have the desired effect.

"If I kissed you would you transform into a prince?" asked Fade with a giggle.

The penguin, somehow, managed to acquire a devious-looking expression, "A prince 'eh? Mmm... Can try if you want luv." the penguin said with a wink at Fade.

Leaning down, Fade planted a quick kiss on the penguin's head.

"Pfft! What a fowl taste!" she cried out, before having another fit of giggles at her pun, "Did it work?"

"Hey, something's happening!" Lady Flame exclaimed with genuine surprise.

A blue swirl enveloped the penguin, obscuring it from view. When the magical aura cleared, the penguin was gone.

"ARGH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!?!?" shrieked the goblin.

"Erm.. oops... now look, that wasn't my fault!" Fade stuttered, backing away from the goblin now in front of them.

"At least he's not an orc." commented Lady Flame, stifling a giggle.

"I smell goblin." came a hissy voice behind them. They turned toward the voice.

"It's the badger king!!!!!" screamed Scorpion, leaping up from where he was kneeling, fists raised and ready. He looked at the staggering badger more carefully, "Oh, wait it's Blue."

"What?" asked Mycrella in puzzlement.

"It appears our druid has somehow managed to shapeshift himself into a badger while being completely plastered." explained Scorpion, tactfully moving out of the path of the unsteady Bluenose-badger.

"Hey! Stop that! Shoo!" cried the goblin as the furry quadruped stumbled over to it.

"Oh leave it alone." Lady Flame muttered irritably, firing off a simple dispel at the goblin.

Another blue swirl enveloped the goblin, quickly dispersing to once again reveal the penguin.

"My penguin is back!" exclaimed Dairiss, grabbing the disoriented penguin and planting a slobby kiss on the side of it's head.

"AHH!! NONONOTAGAI..." shrilled the penguin, cut-off mid-sentence as it was suddenly engulfed in a swirling cone of flame!

"Eep..." Dairiss commented, surreptitiously stepping away.


The swirling fire spun faster, expanding outwards and upwards until it had reached a good 10ft high! Then, as suddenly as it had begun, it vanished.

Where it, and the penguin, had been, now stood a 9ft Balor, it's features locked in a maligned rictus grin!


"what the...?!" Shalaquin yelled in panic, fumbling for his sword

Scorpion and Lady Flame cried out in alarm and instinctively backed away.

"It's the Balor!" shouted Fade, notching her bow.

The Balor looked at them quizzically, before twisting this way and that to get a better look at itself, "*WELL... THAT'S A LITTLE BETTER I SUPPOSE*" it rumbled thoughtfully. It stood straighter only to be greeted by the hard ceiling with a loud *THUD*. While the Balor was cursing at the 'low' ceiling, the others were a hive of activity.

"Kill it!" said Lady Flame.

"I knew that Balor would be back!" declared Fade.

"I will never eat a penquin again!" promised the inebriated Bluenose-Badger with a wail.

They all paused at this, then relaxed, realising their mistake.

"Don't think that's a safe form after what we just did." commented Bremen casually.

As the others cautiously sheathed their weapons, Dairiss stumbled towards the cursing Balor. He tilted his head and peered at it through bleary eyes. He gave it a poke.

The Balor stopped cursing the ceiling and looked down.

Dairiss poked it again.

"*STOP POKING ME!*" bellowed the Balor.

Predictably, this did not have the desired effect, as Scorpion and Lady Flame joined Dairiss in poking the Balor incessantly.

"*GAAH! SOMEONE DISPEL ME BEFORE I KILL THE HALFLING!!! I SWEAR I'LL DO IT!!!*"

With a chuckle Lady Flame once again cast a dispel at the Balor, and in a backwards-whirling cone of flame, the Balor disappeared and was once again replaced by the furious penguin.

Fade gave a relieved sigh as the penguin resumed it's 'normal' form.

"be a dragon! put yer head through the tavern roof!" suggested Shalaquin. The penguin gave him a glare of penguiny doom, then shook it's head with a sigh.

"Did that really happen?" Lady Flame asked Fade, still not quite believeing what had been happening

As they talked, Dairiss stumbled over to the penguin and picked it up to hug it yet again. The penguin cried out in alarm, then sighed, resigned to it's fate.

"I think I'd rather be a Balor then a penguin..." Scorpion commented.

There was a mewling growl from behind them.

"It's just Bluenose again." Scorpion said without looking round, gesturing at the panther.

"Oh not again." Lady Flame was already shaking her head and sighing in anticipation as the large cat ambled towards the penguin.

"Cats like birds..." it mumble-growled thoughtfully

The penguin disengaged itself from the distracted Dairiss and waddled away nervously, "Now waaait just a second..." it stuttered

"Smells goood..." continued the Bluenose-panther with a slur, "Maybe a little pepper needed..."

"Pepper? Ooh issa saw some pepper me tinks!" exclaimed Dairiss, making a drunken dive at a pepper pot on a nearby table. He fell a little short, flipping the pot into the air where it bounced off the penguin's head.

The penguin twitched.

"Aaah...."

"I don't have hands - could you put the pepper on the birdy?" mewled the panther

"....aaaAAAAAAAAHH...."

"That's funny, where'd it go?" Dairiss asked himself, bemused, as he searched for the errant pepper pot.

"...TCHOOO!!!""

A blinding white-hot sheet of flame burst out of the penguin's beak, vaporising several nearby chairs and narrowly missing the nearby halfling and panther.


There was a pause.

The penguin sniffled.

"Err, bless you...?" said Fade cautiously, getting up from her prone position.

"Well that sobered me up a bit..." commented Lady Flame blinking away the multi-coloured blobs burned into her retina.

"Aye, I think that penguin is spicy enough..." said Scorpion. As he finished dusting off some of the soot from his robes, there was a dull thud then a choked roar from the other end of the tavern!

"ARG! Me BAR!!" roared Wenders, a horrified expression covering the barkeeper's features as he saw the charred remains of his bar's furniture. He let go of the ale barrel he had rolled up from the cellar, and stalked towards them gesticulating wildly "WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS IS GOING ON HERE?!"

"It was the penguin!" squeaked Dairiss immediately.

"yes yes! the penguin!" confirmed Shalaquin.

Wenders stared at them incredulously, "You burn down half me bar then expect me to believe the blame falls on a *penguin*?!"

"err, yes...?" said Shalaquin uncertainly

"RIGHT! That's IT! I've been patient with you lot for Tucker's sake but *that does it*!!!"

"My deepest apologies sir! We will compensa-" began Fade

"OUT!!!!"

"But..."

"OOOUUUTTT!!!!!!"

The party meekly shuffled out of the tavern.

"Ahh well, I guess that is that. I think I will go and... recover... from this latest adventure." said Lady Flame, stifling a yawn as the door slammed behind them.

"A good idea." agreed Fade wryly, chuckling at the turn of events.

With a crash, the door of the Salty Dog suddenly flew open!

"And take that thrice cursed penguin with you!!!" yelled Wenders, flinging the unfortunate penguin right into Dairiss' arms.

"Oooh!" exclaimed Dairiss, hugging the penguin tightly. It struggled for a few seconds amid muffled curses before giving up again.

"Well, see you all again!" waved Scorpion as he and the rest of the party began to break up.

"What you're all going home? No! Let-go-of-me-you-stupid-halfling! Wait!" cried the penguin as Dairiss turned for home, penguin firmly secured, "You can't do this to me!! HELP!!"

"Coo! Don't worry! I'll look after you and feed you and pet you and-"

"NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!"

Fini


-----

Cast:

DM_Fyrespray (as Capt'n Tucker, Badgerkin #1, Mysterious Archery Target of Doom (Cut), Pretty much all the Badgers and Dire Badgers)
DM_Gawain (as Badgerkin #2, Transformed, and 'Other stuff')
DM_Wayfinder (as Badgerkin #3, Exploding Badger, Badger Queen, Orc Guard #1, Orc Guard #2, High Balor, Someone)
DM_Macros (as Balor #1, Balor #2, Balor #3......... Balor #97....)

Shalaquin Din Gael: barb 19
Mycrella Stormborn: fighter; 10 dragon disciple, 6 figher 1 sorc
Dairiss Shadowfoot: rogue 17, 2 fighter 1 sd
Fade Jr'eivra: Level 20 total: Rogue(10), Wiz(1), Arcane Archer(9) =) .... Or just archer :P
[BlueNose2] Blue Nose III: Bluenose the Blue Druid 19
[Calisto von Prios] Bremen: 20 Cleric
[scipio12345] Scorpion Fiststrike: 18 monk
[Alley Nenharma] Lady Flame: level 20 mage : )
Ruprecht Dale (warrior)
Elva Wenosent: (archer?)
[IdPreferNotTo] Balthezar of the Mithralmountains (dwarf fighter)
[Coup10] Fell Lorin: (fighter?)
Murrey Wristburrow - bard
And possibly some other people who said nothing during the whole time they were there ;) said Lady Flame, stifling a yawn as the door slammed behind them.
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